...this is my

i-chat...

2006-06-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

if any of you use ichat look me up or send me your user names. i, ofcourse, am wewilleatyou.

THE CHAMP...

2006-05-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!
I have been very busy but wanted to let you guys know that I have uploaded my latest short film to my new website. The site is under construction but if you want to check out THE CHAMP just CLICK HERE. Let me know what you think.

COULD IT BE TRUE...

2006-05-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

APPLE CELL PHONE

I HAVE TEMPTED FATE ONCE MORE!

2006-05-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I once again met up with a few people that I know only from the internet. Before you jump to any conclusions, I was not propositioned for sex, touched innapropriatley, or surprised to find that the person I was meeting was actually a 73 year old, mullet head from Arkansas. (SUCK ON THAT DATELINE NBC) I did fear for my life a few times during our gathering, but that mostly had to do with us being at the SHADIEST PERUVIAN RESTAURANT this side of the 101!
YES... on Friday night the WEST COAST MOL NETWORK gathered with THE PROPHET for the "kicks your brain in the nuts" MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THREE (starring Tom Cruise and Running Alot) and on Saturday Night we all met up at a non-descript white room where they were serving Peruvian food (at least that is what they were doing in the front of the "restaurant").
My wife, went with me the second night, but it wasn't until we were in the car driving to "MARIO'S" that I trully realized that I occassionally hang out with people I meet online. THEN I STARTED TO THINK..... Television networks devote 2/3 of weekday programming to people that meet online and 93% of those story eventually end up on AMERICA'S MOST WANTED. The remaining 7% usually involves online lovers meeting for the first time. I have heard that online predators are now "innocently" meeting their victims multiple times before they decide to strike. Given that scenario, SATURDAY NIGHT, was the night that both THROWAWAYS and MOL JR. were either going to try to KISS me or KILL me. Also, given my online name (WEWILLEATYOU), I was sure they would belittle me as I was close to death and rid my remains in some cannibalistic fashion.

But like I said before, nothing scandalous happened. It was just a bunch of internet nerds watching uncalled for explosions and eating food at what had to be a drug trafficing front. I had a good time and will hopefully hang out with everyone again. Ofcourse, part of me will always be a little suspicious. Statistically, someone on this little blogging network, has to be a online predator freak.... until then, if anyone is ever out in CALI, hit me up. I am more than willing to meet you at a EXTREMELY PUBLIC PLACE with a few ARMED chaperones from the LAPD and a NBC camera crew.

Terd Ferguson

2006-04-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

FRED'S GOT SLACKS ON THE BOULEVARD....

2006-04-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead!!!

2006-02-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

I have successfully survived a internet party without being attacked, scammed, molested, or killed! Success!!!! More on that later but until then a little self promotion.....

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT MY NEW FILM

On February 11th!!!!

2006-01-19T18:47:00.000-08:00

1141 - Hugo of St. Victor, German philosopher and theologian died.
1531 - Henry VIII of England recognized as supreme head of the Church of England.
1861 - American Civil War: United States House of Representatives unanimously passes a resolution guaranteeing noninterference with slavery in any state.
1963 - The Beatles tape 10 tracks for their first album, including "Please, Please Me".
1969 - Jennifer Aniston, American actress was born.
1981 - Kelly Rowland, American singer (Destiny's Child) was born.
1983 - President Ronald Reagan declares Thomas Edison's birthday National Inventor's Day.
1999 - Pluto, a planet with an irregular orbit, changes from the eighth to ninth planet furthest from the sun. It had been the eighth furthest since 1979.
2006- Febuary 10... A native Texan only known as WEWILLEATYOU flies to a non-descript city of his youth.
2006- GENIUS ensues!!!

A FEW THOUGHTS ON TAG TEAM WRESTLING....

2005-12-31T00:54:00.000-08:00

1. If I ever got my hands on the smaller/weaker of the two wrestlers, I would NOT throw him into the adjacent ropes.

2. I would always be weary of anyone who chose to wear multi-color sequined business suits...they would not be my manager and I definitely would not let them talk me into wrestling the reigning WWF WORLD CHAMPION who happened to be managed by my extremely hot ex wife who I recently divorced for poisoning my tag team partner but then forgot to remember that I also had found many ill placed sequins all over my ex, until right before the match which means I may be walking into a trap but am feeling really drowsy.....probably because of the strange tasting POWER BAR that my manager provided.

3. Before every match I would have the following conversation with the REF:

ME- LOOK! I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but at some time in the match, probably just after I perform my pattented EXTREME SCISSOR DRIVE EXTREME, I am going to pin my contender and you will be counting... then all of a sudden my contender's partner is going to yell something like "HEY REF THERE IS A FIRE OVER HERE" or maybe "MY GOD THAT MAN IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK...IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE ARENA....NO, THERE'S NOT, ALRIGHT IS THERE AT LEAST A REF" and you will be tempted to look away.

REF- Go on!

ME- If you look away then the contender will cheat in some fashion while your back is turned and while you are scorning my partner for yelling a profanity at your stupidity I will be pinned and you will be none the wiser.

REF- You think?

ME- I can almost assure you that scenario will play out tonight in some fashion.

4. I would stay clear of all folding chairs and tables. In my contract it would state 'NO UNUSED FOLDING CHAIRS AND/OR TABLES ARE TO BE ALLOWED CONVENIENTLY STACKED AT THE RINGSIDE FOR ANYONE TO GRAB AT THEIR LEISURE'

5. If I was really tired and only 6 inches from touching my partner's hand to TAG him in...I would easily find the strength to span the gap.

6. I would question the rules regarding when you are allowed to have two people in the ring performing a painful and somwhat unnecessary pile drive.

7. I would find outfits that did not make me and my partner look like gay acrobats.

SOMETIMES....

2005-12-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

I CAN'T TELL A DIFFERENCE

THIS IS WHY I EAT ORGANIC....

2005-12-21T10:53:00.000-08:00

LEARN THE WAYS OF THE FARM

would you like to see something genius

2005-12-14T00:58:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE THEN CHOOSE the denial twist

AARON SORKIN'S NEW TV SHOW...

2005-11-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

FIND OUT THE PLOT HERE....

2005-11-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

K FED'S NEW JAM...K FED'S NEW JAM...

Powered by Castpost

A WEEK FROM NOW....

2005-11-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

I will be in the thick of shooting a short film I have been obsessing over for about 6 months. Yes, in 168 hours (that's one week girly), I will be halfway through my third and final day and will have a pretty good feeling as to whether the film will be successful or will join the ranks of literally thousands of other short films that will be made this year and suffer a very slow and painful death on the festival circuit. In my nightmares I can see it now.....

Since I will be preoccupied with shooting here are a few things I will miss this week and thus must bitch about them now as I will be busy later.

LOST is really starting to suck. This week's episode will highlight the story of the plane crash survivors who landed on the other side of the island. Recently in my mind I interviewed the writers of LOST and here is the transcript:

WWEY- Well it's great to finally meet you all... I am an avid follower of the show.
WRITER'S OF LOST- YahHiGrea (grumble grumble)
WWEY- I must admit however...not much is happening and alot of stuff is repeated. Who should I blame for that.
WOL'S- (Silence)
WWEY- Great so this week's episode is about the other survivors... Are you guys just kind of making it up as you go and Michelle Rodriguez's people contacted you because FAST AND THE FURIOUS 7 is held up in pre-production so you had to fit her in.
WOL'S- Well...pretty much. Yes.
WWEY- Awesome...sooooo honestly is the ISLAND actually just inside a new IPOD VIDEO and the passengers of OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 flew over top STEVE JOB'S yacht and he used the HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS ray gun (with fire wire chord attached) to beam them inside and all the trippy shit that is happening is just from MR. JOB'S GRATEFUL DEAD and DOORS playlist.
WOL'S- YES!
WWEY- Boooooyah. That's what I thought. It was either that or a science experience hosted by a far superior race...

This week I will also miss the opening of WALK THE LINE..

Finally I will miss the introduction of more STAR WARS watches that I am collecting...

viva la Star Wars 4,5,and 6

THE OSCARS COMETH

2005-11-06T03:12:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a huge review on all these movies and my words got erased by a computer crash. Instead I will now offer my abridged thoughts on each of these films...all of which I highly recommend.

Very much like JUMANJI...ZATHURA is a film about two brothers who unwillingly journey to space via a 1950's boardgame. Visually the film is really cool and the story is alot of fun. Definitely great for the whole family.

GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK is beautiful. I may be developing a man crush for George Clooney. I loved his first outing as a director (CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND) and this film, although very different, definetly proves he knows what he is doing behind the camera. The genius about this film is you don't have to know anything about the COLD WAR or MCCARTHISM or EDWARD BURROWS. Clooney clues you in on everything in a very relaxed fashion. You get a real sense of what it must have been like to live in those paranoid times but there is plenty of opportunity to laugh and enjoy great acting.

JARHEAD...WELCOME TO THE SUCK. Best tag line ever. This movie was stunning in every way. Surprisingly I found myself and the rest of the audience mostly laughing at the frustrations of modern soldiers in modern warfare. It definitely was not the movie I thought I was going to see. It was not political...it offered no pro or anti war sentiments... in fact halfway through one of the films main characters says "FUCK POLITICS..WE'RE HERE AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS". Fox and Gyllenhaal are perfect together and SAM MENDES (American Beauty) deserves another OSCAR. Go see this movie in the theatre...the way it is suppose to be seen. HOO-RAH!

PRICELESS

2005-11-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

I JUST SAW OWEN WILSON RIDING A BIKE DOWN THE STREET WITH MATT DILON ON HIS BACK

SLEEP, SHLEEP

2005-10-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

So this week I have gotten a total of 2.6 hours of sleep between work and prepping my film, however, in all that time of WAKEFULNESS, I have had several celebrity sightings worth mentioning. On Tuesday, while visiting the MAC store for my boss, I spent a good 15 minutes behind a very hyper and not so computer savy CHRIS KATTAN. He was just what I expected and would randomly tell people to go see IN HER SHOES. It was slightly annoying, but I didn't mind. I was too busy singing along with WHAT IS LOVE in my head.

Last night before a production meeting, I walked past the JARHEAD premiere in HOLLYWOOD and peaked a few of the movie's stars, then headed over to the meeting and ate some sushi. By the time I was done eating the premiere was over. I walked over to the street corner to press the cross walk button and a group of well dressed LA types walked over and waited. In that group was MR. GEORGE LUCAS.

DUH DUHHH DUH DA DUH DUHHHH DA DA DUHHHH!!!!

He was just waiting there a couple feet from me pondering life and cinema and pretty much just being rich. I was, for some reason, totally star struck with him and I am not even that huge of a fan. The light turned red and everyone crossed the street and I just stood and watched. Maybe I should have said something about JAR JAR or how much I dug the shape of the MILLENIUM FALCON, but I didn't. I never have the balls to say anything to anyone of celebrity status. I think next week I am going to stay up for 72 hours and see if I run into Terrentino and Ferrel.

WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS

2005-10-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

KING KONG JUMP

OH YES HE DID!

2005-10-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

Visit this beauty of a BLOG and find out what happened to that kid in highschool who made you pee milk out your nose with laughter!
CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE

I'm ALL ABOUT CONSPIRACIES!!!

2005-10-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

I usually don't believe them, but they sure make this guy go nuts. There is a conspiracy going around that the federal government blew up the levies in NEW ORLEANS. I guess CNN even did a story about the conspiracy last week. I didn't know THEY had a conspiracy for this one until I was walking to a local deli shop for some delicious sandwiches and I was abruptly asked to sign a petition to impeach BUSH by a protestor carrying a sign that said 'MAKE LEVIES NOT WAR". He told me alllll about the conspiracy which involved many levels and agencies of state and federal government eagerly awaiting the perfect storm to use as a smoke screen to explode the walls that seperated N.O. from the G.O.M. I told him they probably sent out SPECIALLY TRAINED DOLPHINS armed with atomic powered laser beams. THIS BLEW HIS MIND!
Give it up for Conspiracies and the protestors who spread them.

LONG TIME NO BLOG...

2005-10-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

HELLO FRIENDS! I haven't had the chance to blog in a while because I've been in the thick of pre-production/casting on my next short film THE CHAMP. I have seen tons of great movies that I will try to review this weekend imbetween 2....yes 2 back to back TURBONEGRO shows. I am ready for some DARKNESS.

Some People's careers NEVER DIE!

2005-10-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

It was almost a year ago today. I was helping a crazed INDIAN director recreate a scene from one of his favorite comic books. He decided to cast a rather old actor to play the part of a evil midget mob boss. The problem was the actor was not just old...he was 92. Pluse he was crazy and almost died like 5 times. The day of the shoot was grueling, hillarious, and extremely bizare. The old man tried to electricute himself and almost broke his hip. The weird thing was we had to pretty much hold his hand while on the set and then when we wrapped he was like:

'PEACE BITCHES I'M OUT'

and backflipped out of the front door. Needless to say he would pop up in every casting session thereafter no matter the part, budget, or genre. He would be like:

'HEY LOOK AT ME...IN 92'

and we would be like:

'JOHNNY, YES WE KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE BUT THIS IS A CASTING SESSION FOR WHALE RIDER 2... YOU ARE NOT FROM NEW ZEALAND, YOU ARE NOT A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL, AND I THINK YOU JUST POOPED YOUR PANTS.'

I could tell you story after story of creepy encounters, but the most shocking was flipping the channels last night during commercials and seeing JOHNNY on THE LATE SHOW with LENO. He was like

'HEY I'M A 92 YEAR OLD ACTOR'

and LENO was all

'I'm not that funny!'

what the....

2005-10-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

Rick Rubin and Owen Wilson are co-writing and co-executive producing a show for HBO. Sounds cool and all but I couldn't think of two more random people to create a show together. It's like if Regis and Jay Z shot a reality show pilot.

THE MORE YOU KNOW....

2005-10-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

ACCORDING TO THE CAST OF WILL AND GRACE I AM SPECIAL....

LONG TIME

2005-09-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while... it has been a loooong month in HOLLYWOOD full of difficult decisions. Hopefully next month will be more generous. Until then....

GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS

2005-09-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

GO SEE THIS MOVIE This movie was the best I have seen all year. It follows a Harvard 'Yank-Journo' (Elijah Wood) as he slowly declines into the seedy underbelly of a London Football firm....and then tons of dudes fight alot! It's a really great story...the kind you have already seen but done in a new way. The characters feel real and are lovable even when they are thrwong bricks at rival firms and smashing people's faces. The film's director (LEXI ALEXANDER) was at the screening and did a Q and A following the credits. Although 'GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS' has won many major festivals, the film could not find distribution so the production company that made the film SELF DISTRIBUTED. It's basically surviving on word of mouth....SO GO SEE IT.
The GERMAN director was asked a few bullshit questions last night too which she responded ever so eloquantly:

ASSHOLE WANA BE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER- "Lexi, Don't you think it was irresponsible to make a film which could not be easily mass distributed to any Joe Schmo and his five kids in Ohio. Maybe you should have created a franchise movie with loveable and huggable characters that could easily fit into the studio formula for success. "
LEXI DIRECTOR OF GSH-
"FUCK OFF"

The above was not a normal wewilleatyou exaggeration.

Basically their were a bunch of dudes in the audience who were pissed off that a woman made a fucking great movie. She held her own in the Q AND A and already had my respect for her direction in the movie.
GO SEE IT...SUPPORT INDEPENDENT FILMMAKING!

XFGHJQ

2005-09-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

I hate having to type the anti-spam secret code so I can comment on people's blogs. I understand that I have the mechanism turned on but I am considering turning it off. WHO IS IN?
Seriously what is this....the COLD WAR?

I WAS LOST BUT NOW I'M EVEN LOSTER

2005-09-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

Just finished the LOST season premeire and it picked up where it left just fine. I was happy with the episode...especially how it opened. I would like to make a few predictions as to what is happening to the castaways of OCEANIC FLIGHT 817.

1. A SUPERIOR SPECIES, KNOWN AS THE SASQUATCH, HAS BECKONED THE FLIGHT THERE TO FIND A CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD. THEY WILL NOW BEGIN TESTING...

2. WALT DISNEY HAS BEEN RE-ANIMATED FROM HIS CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN STATE TO BUILD DISNEY ISLAND...WALT'S WILD RIDE.

3. GEORGE BUSH DOES NOT CARE ABOUT OCEANIC FLIGHT 817.

4. THE KILLER BEES (search 90'S LOCAL NEWSCAST) FINALLY GOT THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND ACTUALLY CAUSED HARM TO SOMEONE.

Either way I will be watching like a fat kid watches cake.

CURLING!!!

2005-09-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

I once lived in CALGARY, AB CANADA where I spent most of the time following great CANADIAN CURLERS.

If you don't know what CURLING is then you should rent THIS MOVIE If you are like me, you will then contemplate how the HELL THAT MOVIE EVER GOT MADE, but will at least understand the sport of CURLING. Basically it is like shuffle board and chess on ice with brooms.
Check out this site for really bad animation of the sport. CLICK HERE CLICK HERE
The best rock I ever curled was a double take out freeze almost dead center in the house.

Do You Want A Trophy?

2005-09-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

In highschool me and my bestfriend were assholes. We had a great little sketch we often did to belittle anyone who was fishing for compliments...
"Hey J and L... Daddy just bought me a Lexus..."
Don't Care!
"Did you guys hear... I am the new class President."
Future 40 year old Virgin!
"J.... I totally just threw up my lunch and these jeans look great on my ass now."
Just go shoot yourself!

Although that was what we were thinking, we would instead break into this bit below to both confuse, annoy, and make fun of the future moral majority of Texas. Here is the scenario.

Int. Lunch Room- Day
L and J enter the lunch room and take their seat at the far end of the dining hall. C joins them for some food and laughs. K enters the room and avoids L and J eyecontact at ALL COSTS. SHE CAN NOT BE SEEN WITH THEM FOR FEAR OF LOOSING COOL RANK. A unsuspecting freshmen runs up to C ecstatic.

FRESH- HEY C.... LOOK I JUST GOT MY LEARNER'S PERMIT. ISN'T IT COOL.
C- Wow...Pretty Cool.

L reaches over and grabs the ceritificate.

L- Take a look at this J!!!
J- OHHH! I don't know if I have ever seen one of these in such prestine condition.
L- You are right the print of this certificate is really fine craftmanship... Congratulations FRESHMEN. I'm sure it was a really difficult test.

L hands back the certificate.

FRESH- WELL! It was pretty hard. You could only get like 5 wrong.
J- I'm sure it was a breeze for you.
L- By the way... we too would like to give you something for this great day of celebration and although it may not be of the quality of a certificate provided to you by the TEXAS STATE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES it is nonetheless a gesture of our pride that we share that you are now liscensed to drive a car with someone of 21 years of age in the passenger seat.
J- Yes... and I too would like to take this time to commemorate Mr. and Mrs. FRESHMAN for their undeniably effecient parenting skills, for they have not only raised a being that is capable of completing 8 grades of general education but also someone who had the instincts and the drive to complete and pass the TEXAS STATE LEARNER'S PERMIT EXAM. I would call them or even take a picture of this historical event and send it with text at this very moment but that kind of cell phone technology is not available to me as it is December of '99.
FRESH- Thanks guys... I mean it really means alot because usually you don't even talk to me.
L- Not a problem. We are just so proud and would like to honor you with this gift.
FRESH- You really shouldn't have gotten me anything... I mean how did you even know.
J- Go ahead L...present him with his reward.

L pauses and looks at me.

L- I thought you brought it.
J- I distinctively remember asking you to wrap it up and bring it with you today.
L- Noooo.... I asked you to put it in your book bag with our chemistry project.
J- Oh now you are going to bring up the chemistry project again... I told you the last time I saw that petry dish was in your garage which is where we normally keep our gifts.
FRESH- Guys, guys. There is no need to fight what was it.
L- A TROPHY!!!
J- For being like the 189,317 person to be awarded a Texas State Learner's Permit!
L-CONGRATULATIONS!
J- We'll be sure to get it out to you!
L- FED EX 2ND DAY AIR!
J- Make sure to wait for it... Fed Ex delievers on Saturdays!
L- Yeah you probably will want to wait in that area of the house right by the front door where there usually aren't any chairs or TV's.
J- Yeah just stand and wait for it... It's a great TROPHY. I mean I know you would rather be driving a car with someone of at least 21 years of age in the passenger seat but I think its worth the wait.
FRESH- UHH.. I think someone is calling me.
L- Remember Saturday!

L, J, and C all share a laugh. K runs to the table.

K- You are all a buch of assholes...especially you L. Stay away from my brother.

Good times!

CAKE EATER!!!

2005-09-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

Since moving to Hollywood I have run into many famous actors, reality TV tools, pop stars, and even some early movie heros of mine. Most I encountered while walking from my apartment on Sunset and Vine to my film school on Sunset and Gower. Chris Martin, Busta Rhymes, Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Corolla, all FOUR members of GREENDAY, Jeri from Survivor Australia, Johny Fairplay from Survivor?, the main guy from the main CSI (i know his name but its best to describe him that way), Will Smith, Jon Voight, the Wayans Brothers, and my all time favorite whom I saw just last weekend..... KELLY CLARKSON. All while walking to school. Other A LIST celebrities were spied on by me and my wife while at a premeire.... Clooney, Affleck, Damon, Willis, and Serena Williams were ever so close to us at the BOURNE SUPREMACY after party. (Yeah the last name threw me a little too.) At AMOEBA RECORDS I had the pleasure of running into one of my favorite SNL alumnists TRACY MORGAN and I even got a hug out of the surprisingly short man. While on a low budget movie, I had the ever so boring job of escorting MYA to and from set for two straight days. It doesn't seem like such a bad job until you realize that MYA can not talk directly to you, instead she must whisper in the ear of her publicist who then relays the message to me! I WAS STANDING LIKE 2 FEET FROM HER... Sometimes the publicist would repeat what I already said OUT LOUD!!!
I have seen the CTU of 24 while taping and watched ENTOURAGE shoot outside the Arclight.... I have even seen Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody of the 'FAKE LAGUNA BEACH' fighting at a trendy bar... HOWEVER none of those sightings can match the excitement of the chance meeting I had with one of my idols. Luckily a courtroom typist was with me to record the conversation below:

I walk up to a bar to order some drinks with my friend E:

Me: Hey...two shots of Jagermeister and a Jack and Coke for my.....(I pause)
Bartender: Coming right up!

Bartender leaves to retrieve beers and I look at E who is thinking the same thing as me.

E: Do you think that's...
Me: It must be.

Bartender returns.

Bartender: That will be 46 dollars.
Me: Here make a tab.
E: Hey man do we know you from somewhere?
Bartender: Not unless you guys are from the mid-West.
Me: Nope but I'm pretty sure I have seen you before a few times.
Bartender: Well I'm here on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I'm at Star Shoes on the weekends.
E: Okay man I'm just going to say it. (to me)

E turns to Bartender

E: Aren't you Adam Banks from the Mighty Ducks trilogy?
Bartender: (leans forward) Yeah man but that was a long time ago.
Me: It was good to meet you.

We both walk away from the bar thinking the same thing....

CAKE EATER!

ASSASSIN 2.0

2005-09-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

BUMBLBE BEE NINJA ASSASSIN

2005-09-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

PICTURE UNDER CONSTRUCTION

The second task for the BUMBLE BEE NINJA ASSASSIN SQUAD, the first being the termination of a certain South American president, would be the removal of all DOG PARK NAZIS. I recently volunteered at a animal rescue and my task was to aid in the transport and supervision of a pack of rescued dogs to a huge fenced in no leash DOG PARK. The park is genius. It allows dogs to roam a pretty big area with strategically placed fire hydrants for the dogs to pee on. The park also is all mulch making for the easy removal of TURDS. AMAZING.
However when letting our pack of mut strays run free for some much needed freedom....some old white NAZI lady complained and complained. Basically she was pissy because her dogs were some 1000 dollar breed and shouldn't be exposed to common mutts. I'm sure she was thinking...."THIS IS AMERICA". I tried to get COWBOY to hump her leg but he gave me the "I DON'T MOUNT CRAZY BITCHES" look and I left him to his ball fetching.

YUM YUM EAT'M UP

2005-09-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

I have just tried the semi-new CIABATTA BURGER from Jack N The Crack and must say it is very tasty. Below is a list of my top five fast food hamburgers.

5. THE BIG MAC- although it apparently causes liver failure there is a time in everyone's life where they crave this burger like a fat kid craves cake.

4. THE 6 DOLLAR BURGER from KARL'S JR- this burger will make you hurl for 5 hours straight. I don't know if it is humanly possible, but I am pretty sure the contents of my lower intestine were up chucked last time I tried this monstrosity. It is for its cleansing abilities that it makes my list.

3. THE DOUBLE DOUBLE from IN 'n OUT- this is a California classic that could have made #1 if I hadn't eaten it for 2 years straight..... ANIMAL STYLE. Only the cool kids know what I'm talking about.

2. THE 1 DOLLAR BACON CHEESBURGER from WENDY'S- this burger was my life line in college. Throw in a 1 dollar order of fries with a 1 dollar Frosty (to dip the fries in) and you had a full meal way better than those damned cup of noodles everyone always went nuts for. Rest In Peace Dave.... we all miss your great deals and your silly commercials.

1. THE JOLLIBEE YUM YUM BURGER- this hamburger is the GOD of all that is burger. Unfortunately you would have to fly to the Phillippines to taste this burger made of angel's wings. While spending a summer overseas myself and THE HAMBURGLAR ate a combined total of 27 YUM YUMS in one sitting for fear of never being able to taste the treats ever again. Although the YUM YUM is not a full sized American burger... it aint no SCOOBY SNACK either. We were punished for days after the feast but it was worth it.

ISN'T IT WEIRD TOO...

2005-09-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

Wear a long sleeve shirt with a pair of shorts? I've always believed this but haven't really vocalized this opinion. There is something inherently weird about wearing more cloth on your upper body than your lower.

Discuss!

Proposition Bimbo

2005-09-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

KEEP THE TEXAS STATE FAIR OUT OF CALIFORNIA

IDIOTS ARE TAKING OVER...

2005-09-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

....and I want in. Here is the plan:

1. I will take out a 150K education grant.
2. Another member of MOL will do the same.
3. I will attend HARVARD, party hard, and barely graduate.
4. My counterpart will do the same at STANFORD.
5. I will run for public office and represent cynical assholes on the premise that I care for minorities, women, medical and education.
6. Counterpart will run for governor representing paranoid religious right wingers on the premise that HE will protect our nation from morally corrupt and high taxes.
7. WE both run for President and make sure every debate ends with our stance on abortion and gay marriage.
8. One of us becomes President and we accomplish none of our platforms...especially changing nothing about gay marriage or abortion. Our SON gets a "BECOME A POLITICIAN FOR FREE" card.
9. Both of us become extremely wealthy by writing tell all books about our scandals while in public office.
10. OFFSPRING REPEAT CYCLE!!!

WHO IS IN?

MAC DADDY!!!

2005-09-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

Apple controls me. I wake up every morning to listen to a PODCAST which I downloaded on iTUNES from my iPOD. When I get to work I iSYNC all the computers, check iCAL, and check my .MAC account all on my 17 inch POWERBOOK. When all that is completed I check the APPLE website only to find cooler versions of MAC stuff I already own. This is the iPOD nano and I want it like a fat kid wants cake.

FILM NERDS UNITE

2005-09-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow the short film I made for film school will premeire at the LA Short Film Festival. Last night was Opening Night and the Director of SPEED and SPEED 2 was given the MAVERICK FILM AWARD. He then proceeded to tell us that films these days have too many explosions and special effects and filmmakers everywhere have a responsibility to tell a great story.....
I quickly jumped out of my second to the last row seat and scavenged the entire audience for a pen and some paper. When the absence of paper was apparent and the only pen was out of ink I ripped off my shirt and stabbed my finger and wrote his original words of wisdom in blood. I mean if the guy who brought us SPEED 2 CRUISE CONTROL gives filmmakers everywhere an ultimatum I think filmmakers everywhere should remember his exact words. I am now campaigning to replace the HOLLYWOOD sign with my bloodied T-SHIRT so all of Los Angeles will remember the night that the director of Speed told us to make good movies. MAN WHAT GOOD ADVICE.
After having BLOWN EVERYONE'S MIND... The festival had a mixer outside of the ARCLIGHT. It was fun. Basically a bunch of film nerds trying to explain how their 5 minute/low budget film was just like a KUROSAWA movie. Simply amazing!!!

The original LOST!

2005-09-06T16:28:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favorite TV super stars has passed away. Bob Denver (aka Gilligan of Gilligan's Island) has died. READ THE FULL STORY HERE

Below is few of my all time favorite Gilligan made for TV movie moments:

1. A mad scientist invades the island with Basketball playing robots so The HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS somehow show up and have a showdown against the bots!

2. The castaways escape from the Island but have a hard time fitting in with the new world. They decide to set sail on a three hour reunion tour for Christmas (via the Skipper and Gilligan's new ship) and end up marooned on the exact same island.

3. ALF dreams about being on the island with The Skipper, Gilligan, and The Professor. (NOT REALLY A MOVIE MOMENT BUT STILL GENIUS)

I want to invent DRUGS...

2005-09-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

Think about it. It's one bad ass job. Some SUIT storms into your laboratory and disturbs your research on the cure for AIDS and other epidemics to say....

"GENTLEMEN WE NEED A PILL FOR ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO CAT HAIR, A POST SEX ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION DEFLATOR, AND SOMETHING FOR THAT WEIRD SENSATION YOU GET WHEN YOU STAND UP TOO FAST AFTER WATCHING 5 HOURS OF CABLE TELEVISION. MAKE SURE IT CAUSES ALOT OF BULLSHIT SIDE EFFECTS AND GET ON IT STAT...I'LL MAKE SURE WE HAVE TONS OF GOVERNMENT FUNDING AND START STORYBOARDING A COMMERCIAL WITH LOTS OF CLASSIC CARS, SOME KITE FLYING, AND A CUTE PUPPY. THIS IS GOING TO BE HUGE.

OH AND ONE MORE THING... DON'T CURE ANYTHING!"

What an easy job. Give me like five days and some ZINC over a bunsen burner and I'll invent SUPERLOSAC. It will help you see in low light and totally give you the shits. IT WILL BE HUGE!

NO...I AM NOT IN A BAND

2005-09-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

BELOW IS A RECREATION OF A CONVERSATION I HAD TODAY WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER. THIS HAPPENS TO ME AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH...

CONVERSATION 1...
A complete stranger approaches me.

Stranger- Excuse me. Are you in a band?
Me- What?
Stranger- Aren't you in a band?
Me- No...
Stranger- Are you sure? My brother told me you are in Good Charlotte?
Me- No... I'm sure.
Stranger- Really?
Me- Do you hear really really bad music coming from my mouth?
Stranger- No!
Me- Am I wearing eye make up?
Stranger- No!
Me- Then I am not in Good Charlette and I am not in a band.
Stranger- Oh! Are you sure because I thought with the tattoos and the ear rings?
Me- Yes I'm sure!
Stranger- Well uhh... what religion are you?
Me- Excuse me...
Stranger- What religion are you?
Me- (Silence to see what would happen next)
Stranger- Is Jesus your Savior?
Me- People still say that in church?
Stranger- What?
Me- Look I don't want to begin a theological discussion with a complete stranger...especially since I have to be somewhere in 5 minutes. In answer to your second question Yes and No!!
Stranger- Well if you are saved then I have nothing more to say to you.
Me- WHAT?
Stranger- Since you already know I don't have to worry about you?

I look up and I am not lying... a Catholic NUN was in Starbucks watching the whole conversation. She smiles at me and I politely say good-bye and leave. I get approached about being in a band at least once a month and it usually is followed by the JESUS question. I don't know which question is more annoying?

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BOND?

2005-09-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

There is war between film nerds as to who will be the next Bond in the remake of CASINO ROYALE.

That's right if you haven't heard BROSNAN is out, but look who is in to write what may be the darkest BOND....PAUL HAGGIS. Writer of MILLION DOLLAR BABY and WRITER/DIRECTOR of CRASH. This is pure genius.

Below is my top three picks for the new BOND!

1. CLIVE OWEN

I really think he has a chance at landing the role if he wants it. I loved him in SIN CITY. For me, he was the best part of the movie and would be perfect for new generation of Bond. If you haven't seen him in the BMW short films then you are soooo not keeping up because that was a few years ago and completely RAD!

2. GEORGE CLOONEY

Look I know most will disagree, but I think Clooney would really mix it up. Plus he probably would only do a few BOND films before giving up, so CLIVE could take over after him. Until then check out a trailor to his sophmore directorial debut GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK shot in black and white like a pimp!

3. BENECIO DEL TORO

THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX PEOPLE. Benecio would be a bitch slapping, sucker punching, whiskey drinkin' Bond bad ass! I'm telling you!

MUST NOT SLEEP CLOWNS WILL EAT ME!!!

2005-08-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

Several of our fellow bloggers may be very afraid of what I am about to say but this story must be told!!! It is about the CREEPIEST person ever to attend highschool in the history of Texas. Now you may say....
U- I don't know FINALWARNING we had this guy who claimed to worship the Devil and one time ate a fish head...
Me- Unless he could overcome the space time continuim and control the ferocity of fire then just sit back and read...

In highschool me and my friends befriended a young man whom I shall call CREEPY! He was a nice enough guy for being incredibly CREEPY. He often wore a t-shirt that said MUST NOT SLEEP, CLOWNS WILL EAT ME. He probably had about 17 of this same black shirt because he wore it almost every day. Myself, SJ, and MAA would eat lunch with Mr. Creepy almost every day, we would say "S'UP" to him in the halls, and I even made a little promo video highlighting his creepiness but it was all in good fun.

BUT THEN THINGS GOT WEIRD!!!

Creepy would start saying things like:

Creepy:Have you ever thought what it would be like to kill a horse?
Me: Uhmmm.... No actually I never think about that, but uhhh... it sure it beautiful outside where there are many reliable witnesses within yelling distance. Hey look there must be 8 people that can see us right now. (I start waving) Yeah and I totally know that guy and I'm sure he knows you so what do you say we Hey what is that? (I point in the other direction run away in fear)
Creepy: (yells) I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!

Seriously things got SUPER CREEPY. After several instances like that me and MAA would approach NON BIMBO in the highschool hallway to try and explain the unbelievebly scarry conversation we just had with CREEPOID and as soon as we uttered his name......POOF..... he appeared behind us, put his ice cold hands on our necks, and said...
"You boys up for some Dungeons and Dragons!"

Honestly... I would never exaggerate on the world wide web. It got to a point, if you said his name he would appear. I would see him in class at 3rd Period Science, I would walk down the hall to English class and run into SJ, I would try to tell him a CREEPY tale not using his name:

SJ: Wait... who just showed you a collection of bizarre MEDIEVAL knives and torturing devices in the back of his van?
Me: You know? (I start pantomiming CREEPY behaviors)
SJ: My future wife?
Me: NO Jackass!!! _ _ _ (I said his name out loud)

Ice cold nubby little hands caress the back of my neck. Fear coarses through my body as I turn around and read that phrase that I have come to hate
MUST NOT SLEEP CLOWNS WILL EAT ME!!!

I should probably draw a diagram to show you how it is not HUMANLY POSSIBLE for the CREEPSTER to escape our crazy Science teacher, run around the building, place his nubby hands in ice cold water, and appear behind us in front of English class. C-R-E-E-P-Y!
The final freaky example still baffles my mind. We all were in beatifull Keystone Colorado skiing and vacationing. CREEP spent most of his time off of the slope in the shady forest hunting small woodland creatures. Our youth pastor arranged for me, SJ, and MAA to share a condo room with YOU KNOW WHO. Most of us feared for our lives. Somewhere between our paranoia and exhaustion, someone asked CREEPY if he would not mind going outside on the balcony and grilling up some steaks. He cordially accepted, walked outside and shut the sliding glass door while we both watched TV and the borderline psycho grill steaks outside. For some reason still unknown to me, because we all knew the repercussions of speaking about the MAD MAN'S actions, MAA whispered ever so quietly about how he had seen CREEPY howling at the moon, or something to that extent...
SUDDENLY
A plume of flames and smoke shot up from the grill outside and when we looked up from our seats CREEPY was standing at the door laughing. While my attention was on the 8 foot flame shooting out of the grill, it is MISSINGANACTION and SUBURBANJESUS' testimony that flames also were shooting out from the fireplace in the condo living room. I don't know if they will admit it but we all had to change our THERMAL UNDERWEAR after. Also we were not able to tell another living soul about it unless we spoke in code backwards underwater... and even then we had to do it between 9pm and Midnight on Summer Solstice. It is my hope that the power of MOL and blogger will protect me.
This is my confession!

MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS...

2005-08-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

Two thumbs way down and one middle finger up for the painful car crash that was this years VMA'S. After its tragically boring VMA last year, MTV decided to stay in Miami and actually hire a host this time. Too bad for them neither strategies worked out. Below is a quick recap of the nights festivities so you don't have to sit through one of the many reruns of the show.

2005 VMA WHITE CARPET

Celebrities drove right up the WHITE CARPET to show off their "DUNKS" and be interveiwed by SWAY.

SWAY- Kanye..is it great to be herre in MIAMI or what.
K- Truth Playa!
SWAY- Tell me a little bit about your outfit.
K- Well you know... Since we are in MIAMI and all I was going for the whole DON JOHSON jump off.

2 minutes later

SWAY- WHAT are you wearing tonight SON!
Usher- Well you know... I had to do this thing so I got me a little Miami Vice GET UP!
SWAY- RIGHT RIGHT!

5 minutes later

Sway- Its good to see the two of you together walking the red carpet.
Ashley- Thanks... its good to be out here with my sister.
Jessica- DARUMHNY TEW DAH VLEW TEE.
Sway- I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that!
Ashley- Oh she said she is happy to be here tonight.
Jessica- POOPI SSHNIPPEY....TUNA FISH!
SWAY- (speechless)
Ashley- She said to buy her new TUNA FISH flavored shampoo that you can eat. That and she just saved a ton of money on her car insurance by switching to GEICO.
SWAY- Uhh. Let's go back over to Suchin!
(interview ends and Sway watches as MR. SIMPSON jumps out from the bush he was hiding in and retrieves his hand from the backs of his two daughters...places them in a suitcase and walks off)

3 minutes before show!!!

Sway- I'm standing with the man of the year (gun shots off screen) Mr. G-Unit himself, 50 cent!
50- Yeah Yeah!
Sway- Now you have to tell me what you are wearing tonight!
50- Don Johnson!!
Sway- Wow... this is a VMA first YALLLLL. 50 hired the 80's TV sensation Don Johnson to design a Miami Vice throwback for him.
50- No..bump that. I'm actually wearing DON JOHNSON. I shot him 5 times and made him into a suit.
SWAY- BANANAS!!!

SHOW BEGINS...

Diddy stands center stage as he talksings about partying and water shoots in the air. He then stands their awkwardly for about 5 minutes. MTV hands out some awards and every once in a while there is a cut-away shot of some intensely bored and confused celebrity. Diddy then makes sure everyone knows he is incredibly wealthy and for some reason MC HAMMER performs. By this time I am confused so I switch the channel to watch ROME. The VMA'S only saving grace was that SNOOP DOG was there...the rest was crap. I think I would have rather spent my time:

1. SQUEEZING LEMONS INTO MY EYES.
2. LOWERING MY HEAD OUT OF A MOVING CAR TO GRIND MY TEETH ON THE PAVEMENT.
3. WATCHING THE GILMORE GIRLS AND PUNCHING MYSELF EVERYTIME I HEAR AN ADJECTIVE.

REST IN PEACE Donny boy we will all miss you.

OVER THE TOP is below

2005-08-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Just click on the castpost link below and wait about 2 minutes for the clip to download. I uploaded as small a file as I could without comprimising the level of ARMWRESTLE that must be present during such an epic tale as this. I hope you enjoy!

2005-08-25T10:57:00.000-07:00

OVER THE TOP

Powered by Castpost

OTHERWORLDY CREATURES

2005-08-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the sheer volume of top 10's on the MOL network recently, I would like to add my top ten OUT OF THIS WORLD creatures to the mix.

In no particular order:

WICKET

VICKI THE ROBOT

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR

RON BURGUNDY

HERMAN

GRIMMACE

HOWARD

FRYLOCK

HULK

FALCOR

A FAR SUPERIOR SPECIES

2005-08-23T02:23:00.000-07:00

It is my belief that the superhuman race known as SASQUATCH does in fact actually exist.

AKA the 'BIGFOOT' this race has chosen to migrate to the beautiful, tranquil, and less populated land of CANADA where they hibernate for years at a time. It is my theory that this species is far superior to mankind, mainly because of its unimaginable amounts of body hair, and its ability to remain hidden underground for decades on end. However, the secret of the SASQUATCH can remain hidden underground no longer for I have uncovered vast amounts of evidence which prooves the man ape's existence.

As stated before, BIGFOOT, now lives in Canada where it hibernates for decades at a time. Recent pictures of the beautiful being have not been taken because it has hibernated throughout most of the technological age, but there was a time when members of the SASQUATCH race had to intervene in mankind's struggle. Consider exhibit A:

PEBBLESWALL SASQUATCH. The good general fought for the Yankees at Gettysburg where he valiantly held off the Rebels flank attack, he then hibernated, became heavily involved in the hippy movement, hibernated again, and later starred in a Beasty Boys music video.
Not all Sasquatch, however, have contributed positively in our nation's history. A small percentage have developed a special taste for our women and have been known to kidnap

and bear half-squatch children that suffer insurmountable mental handicaps

Recently I interviewed one of my hero's at one of my favorite Los Angeles bars... THE BIG FOOT LODGE

ME: It is a real honor to be able to interview you Mr. Spieldberg.
Steven: The pleasure is mine.
Me: You are too kind... Now sir do you mind if I ask you a few questions about one of the most inspiring documentaries of the past 25 years.
Steven: Go ahead but I thought we were going to talk about...
Me: No, I wanted to ask you a few questions about the groundbreaking documentary that you greenlit while with Amblin Entertainment.
Steven: (no response)
Me: HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS

Steven: (laughs)
Me: This is no laughing matter sir. Now how was it shooting around such a large super human speci as the SASQUATCH. I'm sure you just called him HARRY.
Steven: You must no that movie was not a doc...
Me: Was not a documentary like anything ever witnessed by mankind... I know.
Steven: Am I being PUNK'd? Where's Ashton?
Me: Sir I do not know what Mr. Kutcher would know about BIGFOOT. Personally I would rather have interviewed John Lithgow. He seemed to have spent more time with the SASQUATCH what with his child discovering the angelic being in the wilderness and all.
Steven: Is this one of those where Ashton does not show up and the crew just sort of awkwardly pops out of the back room.... I JUST GOT PUNK'd. Where is the camera so I can say it straight to the lens? I JUST GOT PUNK'd.
Me: Tell me everything you know about the amazing HALF SQUATCH breed which have the uncanny ability of urinating in its sibling's mouth.
Steven: (no response)
One of his assistants whispers in Spieldberg's ear and I get punched in the face.

As with any new discovery there may be some cynics, but I am grounded in my belief that the SASQUATCH exist and hope to one day evolve into a beautiful, hairy man ape myself.

This has been another groundbreaking scientific study brought to you by random google searches and photoshop. YOUR WELCOME.

TUNA SALAD

2005-08-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

I just ate a tuna salad for lunch and pondered what are the top five most discusting tuna combinations:

1. TUNA FUDGE ICE CREAM
2. TUNA ASPARAGUS SMOOTHIE (with VITA boost)
3. TUNA BLUEBERRY YOGART
(this is from experience... I finished my tuna salad then went on to my Yoplait Mixberry Yogart to discover that I had remnants of tuna salad on my fork. I want to punish my tongue for allowing this to happen.)
4. TUNA-PALOOZA (tuna martini)
5. FRIED TUNA and WAFFLES

COMING SOON....

2005-08-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have finally found a way to post a video on my blog so in celebration I shall post a project I did for film school.
THE ASSIGNMENT
recreate a scene from a movie that has already been produced.
MY CLASSMATE'S CHOICES
Dead Man Walking, Good Will Hunting, City of Angels.

MY CHOICE
A recreation of a legenday movie from 1989 starring Sylvester Stalone as an armwrestling truckdriver... OVER THE TOP

Hopefully it should be up by the end of the day.

PROJECT GRIZZLY

2005-08-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

This documentary is hands down the most entertaining docu I HAVE EVER SEEN. It is a Canadian cult classic and will finally get a much deserved DVD release on October 11, 2005. It follows a man obsessed with making a GRIZZLY BEAR PROOF SUIT. Our hero then tests out the suit by standing in front of a speeding truck and jumping off a cliff. I'm not sure how that verifies the suit is GRIZZLY PROOF, but that is the genius of this movie. You do not want to miss this!!!

RANDOMOL WORLD

2005-08-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

Please watch your head and your step as you enter the most random and useless corner or the world wide web. Below is a guide through the a very enjoyable waist of time.

1. SJ's Visitors Info and Souvenier Shack
A great place to connect with other MOLs and get some interesting perspective, but be carefull of the carnival like announcer who tricks you into playing the costly game of throw the baseball at the lead filled pyramid of bottles...it may lead to credit card fraud.
2. BATTLE OF MOL
Visit these originators as they battle to see who is more MOLY!
3. Non Bimbo Rest Stop
The articles at this stop are like pressing your ear to the ladies restroom and listening to the chatter. These girls are here also.
4. OUT OF CONTROL COMMENT LAND
This bunch usually take over the comment section of everyone's blog.
5. 1980's TV BLOODBATH and JUICE BOX SCANDAL WORLD
No amusement park is complete without this jolly land.
6. WILD RIDE
These sites will blow your minds. Not for the politically correct or followers of the POWER TEAM.
7. WE APOLOGIZE THIS SECTION OF THE PARK IS CLOSED
This used to be the petting zoo but the zoo keeper never fed the MOL and the animals have all died.
8. NEXT BLOG WORLD.
Stay away from that damned next blog button. If you visit this section of the park you will have to learn 8 different languages and you will be spammed.

THANKS FOR VISITING THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. Of course there are more sites to find but they are in uncharted territories.

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME?

2005-08-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

I recently fell asleep while watching the TRINITY BROADCAST NETWORK and found myself in a dream about to interview the

The following is a transcript of my interview with several members of the squad that breaks shit for Jesus.

Knock on the door. I go to answer and find 6 exceptionally large men standing in the hotel hallway.

Me: Hey guys come on in.
Power Team: (Grunts and Rumbles)
Me: Sorry about the mess. I would have booked the interview elsewhere if I had known THE ROOSEVELT was under such a massive remodeling phase.
PT: Don't worry sissy boy we will make ourselves right at home.

One member of the POWER TEAM breaks through the adjoining wall and

Me: Impressive, but I am pretty sure they were using those materials for construction.

Tommy walks up and shakes my hand. He is the obvious leader.

Tommy: Jesus saves brother.
Me: Okay... let's jump right in. Why do you guys bend iron over your heads and jump from platforms to crush columns of bricks. It makes no sense and is extremely annoying.
Tommy: Hold on I need a TEST-A-MINT. My breath stinks.

A member of the squad pulls out a syringe, fills it with a clear substance, and pumps it into Tommy's hindside. Tommy breathes on me.

Tommy: There is that better.
Me: Uhhh... actually no. You did not eat a mint but instead injected steriods into your butt. Steriods do not help your breath smell better they help you grow repulsively massive so you can crush things with your head.

Suddenly a loud crash...I turn around to see:

Me: Where did all that ice come from?
Tommy: Jesus.
Power Team: Amen brother?
Me: What? That doesn't make any sense and why do you guys keep on breaking stuff. I'm here to interview you.
Tommy: No you are here to get saved!!!! Hit it Earl!

Me: I struggle finding a biblical purpose for breaking a Louisvill Slugger. Also you do know that Earl is a girl. I was confused at first too but its definitely a chick!!!
Tommy: You are really making me mad just get saved!!! Aren't you impressed that we can break stuff.
Me: No, I am not the least bit impressed and still am very confused why you do this here in my hotel room and on a nightly 58 city tour. Do your fans know you guys use performance enhancing drugs?

Another crash...

Me: Seriously big guy they actually use those for construction. Sorry Tommy I'm going to have to call security and you guys will have to pay for all of this.
Tommy: Oh yeah....

Tommy: How will you find the number for security now? The yellow pages are ripped but the Bible never rips...you see? Don't you want to get saved?
Me: Uhh...I'll just press 0 to connect with security and don't act like you didn't bring that phone book with you.

I get connected with security and here some moving behind me but pay little attention to the POWER TEAM until:

Tommy: Hey sissy boy watch this...

Me: That is completely unnecessary on so many levels!!!

The cops showed up and arrested every last member of the POWER TEAM. Apparently they are wanted in Arkansas for destroying a small town gymnasium. The police escorted them out of the building but somewhere between the lobby and the squad car

I then woke up and turned off TBN...next time I hope I fall asleep to the "Making of the OMEGA CODE".

From the director of American Beauty

2005-08-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

Check out the JARHEAD trailer...WELCOME TO THE SUCK

FOOLSBALL

2005-08-13T02:39:00.000-07:00

For all intended purposes I look like this now

,but there once was a time that I looked like this

Yes many of you know all to well I was once the ALL AMERICAN BOY until something went terribly right and I escaped BAPTIST (andor) FOOTBALL world to grow a functioning worldview and overwhelming feeling of freedom. Yes I escaped with very few scars, some close friends, and a horrible lower back problem from 8 years of hardnosed Texas football. Now do not get me wrong.... I was not involved in a very competitive league. If you could run straight, hold down your food, and scream YES SIR at ear piercing levels you were allowed on the team and treated like D list local celebrities for about 2 months. If you could hold onto the ball you were automatically put into the running back position and asked to do the impossible.

I was always a runningback and most of the plays involved a quarterback handing me the ball and me running for my life. Our team gave up on the whole "pass and catch" thing since most lacked any motor skills. I'm pretty sure my back problem came from my offensive line

giving up on the whole "blocking" thing since most of the opposing teams looked like this:

If I could do it over again I would just hang out with the band geeks, but instead I fell victim to pressure and played even though all I wanted to do was just sit down on the bench. The funny thing was some freshmen just wanted to play.

they would sit on the sidelines, laugh at our cheerleaders

and wait

I'm glad now my time can be waisted on films and blogs and not a unofficial cult known as TEXAS HIGHSCHOOL FOOTBALL. Ofcourse playing football has allowed me the opportunity of posting the same picture of Carter 3 times in a row.

I have to say this for old times sake... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS LET ME PLAY FOOTBALL!

THE YES MEN

2005-08-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Just started off the weekend strong with a great documentary now on DVD.

If you are a fan of satire and any sort of a activist go get this movie about two guys who, through a series of misunderstandings, make public speeches representing the WORLD TRADE ORGANIZATION dressed like this:

It is simply genius!

Reunion Arena should be rolling in its grave...

2005-08-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's been seven years in the making but finally I have gathered enough information to prove my conspiracy theory against REUNION ARENA.

For sometime now, me and a reputable cynic have had an ongoing disagreement about the configuration of the former home to the Dallas Stars and Mavericks...Reunion Arena. The disagreement was whether, during hockey season, the ice was kept below the basketball court or was placed above the court. Now any logical minded person would believe that the ice was kept below the hardwood, covered by some form of insulation. I too held this belief until one fateful night while visiting a Stars game only 3 days after visiting a Maverick's game. It was then when I realized that the arena was uncapable of holding the ice under the court. Mathmatically it just would not work.
Consider exhibit A:

Diagrams A and B show the configuration of Reunion Arena during a hockey game and Diagram C represents a basketball game. The diagram shows how the massive ice rink leads all the way up to non-moving chairs of Reunion Arena while is C the diagram shows the smaller Basketball court farther down in the arena and chairs/bleachers added to the outskirts of the court.
Now consider exhibit 2:

A star has been placed to mark where the bolted down chairs end and the rink/bleachers begin. If you notice in the two pictures many more chairs and bleachers are added at a incline in the basketball court. In fact the capacity of a Maverick's game is over 1,000 more than at a Star's game. You will also notice the non-moving scoreboard is closer to the ice then it is to the basketball court. Both these points prove that the court is at a lower point in the arena than the ice rink. The ice can not be held beneath the basketball surface if, geographically, the court is lower than the ice rink.
Recently I emailed the general manager of Reunion Arena about my dispute and received this email that supported the BELOW THE COURT theory.

If you will notice below the super imposed star just next to his signature there is some sort of super small message. With the power of photoshop I magnified it many times and this is what it said.

Obviously the good people of Dallas do not want my theory to be published. Why you might ask? Because it is a conspiracy theory!!! That and they waisted tons of tax payers money on water and workforce by having to add the ice after every Maverick's game and remove it after every Star's game. I know for many of you this may be too much for you to believe so that is why I interviewd Charlton Heston. Below is a transcription of the interview.

Me: Hello Mr. Heston it is good of you to hold this interview with me.
Heston: (NO Respone... just a glaring look)
Me: Okay... well I know you were a huge supporter of Reunion Arena and I wanted to ask you a few questions about where the facility stored its hockey rink during non hockey play.
Heston: I just went poopy!
Me: Uh...sir I understand you are a extremely busy person but I want you to look at this picture. It is a picture of a 3 year abandoned arena now empty because of the carelessness of Dallas city planners, the NRA, and Dick Clark restraunts. All of you are responsible for waisted tax money.
Heston: (walks out of his guest house as I hold up a picture of empty Reunion Arena)

I also interviewed Minnesota born, Emanuel Strippenger who moved from St. Paul to drive a zamboni for the Dallas Stars. He is the first eye witness to publically support the ABOVE THE COURT theory. City officials and the owners of Reunion Arena locked him up with the ice making supplies and forced him falsify the belief that the ice was kept under the court year around. The only time he was allowed out was during the STARS game where he would drive the zamboni in what he refers to a "publically isolated prison." He was never allowed to use the restroom because he disagreed with placing the ice rink above the basketball court.He had this to say:

It is a tragedy that the people of Dallas were decieved to believe Reunion Arena could house both basketball and hockey. Unfortunately millions of taxpayer's dollars were lost and now Emanuel will be forced to where diapers the rest of his life. I not only blame those who hid the truth from the people (Heston and Clark) but also those who are too ignorant to see the truth. I am just happy that Mr. Strippenger has found his freedom again back in Minnesota and hopefully he will never work for a franchise that harbors deciet.

NEXT BLOG

2005-08-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever used the NEXT BLOG button in the top right corner of the screen? I usually do when no one on the MOL network has posted anything but I think mine is broken. For some reason the only place it leads is to NON-english speaking blogs in which one Japanese school girl has built a semi-impressive journal/montage of her undying love for her boyfriend, whom she has at least 43 pictures of...all taken on the same day in the same room.
Honestly is no one else out there actually writing interesting articles about saving abandoned orphans or global killers or at least sympathy blogging.
The answer is simply....No they are not. Instead they post once every month about some aspect of the world that nightly news already handles.
The following are general comments I have for the rest of the Blogger community.

"Yes I did know that Peter Jennings died...but thank you for posting it on your blog two days after the fact."
"No I do not believe your theory that our President is secretly gay and that is why we went to war with Iraq, but again thank you for your bi-quarterly, 2 line post."
"Yes blogging is cool and soooo fun, but it doesn't actually count as blogging if you keep writing that."
"Thank-you for letting us know you watched TV last night, next time it may be more interesting if you complained about something or tried your hand at the old "remember the 80's tv show" post....it works wonders."
"Learn English!"
"Please stop posting pictures of your loved ones and valuables along with general hints about where you live. You are an idiot."
and finally...
"Next time.....go for a sympathy post. It works wonders, just ask this guy."

Go ahead and hit the button. Do it from this site and you will find a world so desolate of anything interesting that you may just return with a new found since of thankfulness and hope for everything MOL.

MACGYVERISMS

2005-08-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

One of the first things I ever blogged about was my new operating system for my MAC which allowed for little WIDGET programs the hide on your desktop and perform tasks for you. At first they were helpful...like the desktop dictionary or the flight tracker or even the 5 day forecast. But then things took a turn for the worst. I began downloading the PACMAN mini game and the National Federal Debt counter and the Ben Stiller "DO IT" widget... things got a little crowded on my secret desktop. Every once in a while I have to delete a program from my list of widgets and its hard, but it makes room for the future like this beauty. It is called MACGYVERISMS and gives me a new way to escape danger every day.

Here are a few:

Used ball point pen case to fix fuel line.
Hit iron bar on fire hydrant to make magnet.
WEED KILLER BOMB.

Oh Richard you have found a safe haven on my desktop... until someone invents the WALKER TEXAS RANGER widget that is.

THE GREAT RAID

2005-08-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if this movie will get much publicity but it was amazing. I got to catch a sneak preview this weekend and thought it was exceptional. It is about the most successful rescue of POW's in U.S. military history, set in the Phillippines WW2. The cast and the directing is phenomenol. It would be hard for me to say it is better than SAVING PRIVATE RYAN but it is definitely a great war movie and well worth seeing in a theatre. Go see it...then seen BROKEN FLOWERS.
Anyhow thats what i did this weekend. That and shot some live footage for my docu. I got another show this coming weekend I will shoot and will hopefully start some interviews in the next two weeks.

BROKEN FLOWERS

2005-08-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

I forgot to add this for movies to see in the slump. This will be the best movie you see this summer.

Mystery Poo

2005-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

I know this has happened to you. It happens to all of us and probably will remain unsolved. You have probably even had many a conversation about the strange phenomenon known as THE MYSTERY POO!

You feel nature calling so you retreat to your throne of choice and grab whatever celebrity gossip magazine your office keeps in its bathrooms. You relax, THEN PUSH, relax, THEN PUSH, and suddenly you feel a splash. You smell an odor that is unmistakingly poo. So you then do what any normal, functioning person would do.... you sneak a peak at your creation just as a proud parent would do.

What do you see?

Absolutely nothing... the mystery poo has struck again. You cynics out there might say it has merely escaped down the hatch due to its weight and your butt's unknowing perfect aim, but you then wipe (SHUT UP CARTER) to realize your bum is as clean as it was the day your DAD shaved it before cystic surgery. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the time saved on the cleaning process, but mystery poo's spark so many questions.... What happened to that elusive turd? Do our bodies know how to create invisible fecal matter to rid the world of embarrasing waste? These questions, and more like them, just may always remain unsloved mysteries.

The Summer Slump Has Arrived

2005-08-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

Its now August and all the major studios are well spent.... literally. All the summer block busters are gone with very few actually making their money back, but never fear the INDIES are here to save you from the summer slump.

Well actually not all of them are technically independent movies, just in spirit. First up is a docu coming out tomorrow August 5....MY DATE WITH DREW Basically a normal, average guy tries to land a date with Drew Barrymore within a 30 day time limit, because that is when he needs to return the camera that he bought to make the documentary with and receive a refund. It is very much in the spirit of SUPER SIZE ME.
Next is a documentary that is already in select theatres MURDERBALL. It is about the American wheelchair rugby team. It's tough and manly and makes you want to wheel your office chair into the secretary.... you can find a MURDERBALL special on MTV and MTV2 with the guys from JACK ASS, which is just as good as the movie itself. I definitely recomend this documentary if you can find it.

Rounding out the summer slump are two movies by John Singleton HUSTLE and FLOW (which he produced) is already in theatres everywhere thanks to MTV. It looks like it may be this year indie darling and is getting as much publicity as last year's darling...

I will admit I have not seen this movie yet but I will eventually and its not like there is anything better to see this weekend.
Finally FOUR BROTHERS will be out next Friday, August 12 and talking to a few people who saw an early screening and can be trusted this will be worth seeing. I may even go to the midnight screening..... its been that bad around here for movies. I am excited about this movie, I mean Mr. Wahlberg is in it, Singleton is directing, and it seems like a good action packed story so we will see. If it turns out to be a flop... I can always hope and wait for what may be the greatest TRUE..ISH story ever told....

Coming soon!!!

Festival Debut

2005-08-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

.
My graduation film (THE HIT SHOW) will make its film festival debut at the Los Angeles International Short Film Festival. It will be competing in the comedy section of the fest, but just being there is huge for me. I'm so stoked to get to go to the festival and all of the parties for free and hopefully do some networking.

HOW I FOUND THE UNDERGROUND?

2005-07-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Production starts one week on my docu...HOW I FOUND THE UNDERGROUND? We got clearance to shoot a underground show. I also just started pre-production on my short THE CHAMP, which will shoot in the middle of November. Negotiations are on the table for MODERN DAY HITCHCOCK to make his second unit directing debut. Until then check my one sheet

CHARLIE AND THE WEDDING CRASHERS

2005-07-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

Over the long weekend I made it out to see both CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and THE WEDDING CRASHERS. Both I believe are worth seeing. If you have kids CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY is a must see. Both father and son/ mother and daughter will enjoy TIM BURTON'S quirky take on the book. There is a great sound track by DANNY ELFMAN, Depp is hillarious, and I really like the new Charlie played by FREDDIE HIGHMORE. He played Peter in FINDING NEVERLAND. All in all it was a crowd pleaser for all ages.
As for WEDDING CRASHERS, although extremely funny, if you take your whole family to see this movie you are probably one of those parents who leaves the baby carrier on top of the car and drives away. This movie is very much AMERICAN PIE for adults. Owen and Vince can not be stopped. Their banter back and forth gets me every time...that mixed with Mr. Christopher Walken and a special visit by Will Ferrel (ofcourse he always makes a special vistit) makes this movie a laugh fest from the land of laughing laughter-alot.....laugh. Go see it its worth a visit to local movie plex or sleazy back alley pirate shop. Hey I don't judge.... its just too bad that you would steal from Jesus and his extended family, the film makers of Hollywood.

Underground Hip Hop Lives in the West

2005-07-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend. Went south to San Diego to surf it up a bit, see old friends, got inspired, and figured out a little bit more of how I will be planning my attack on the movie business. Also made a great contact for a possible HIP HOP docu.... we'll see, we'll see.

DRIVE DIALING T.W.

2005-07-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone does it? You're driving home from work during rush hour, the highway is a little congested, the radio has nothing to offer, and you're already on your fourth rotation through your ipod....so what do you do. You grab your cell phone and speed dial your TRAFFIC WHORE. "What is a traffic whore?" you might say. Well it's that special someone you call when are driving and need some time to waist. You call, you talk, and when you reach your destination.... you hang up as fast as possible, with no regard for the T.W.'s feelings or final thoughts.
Slam, bam, thank-you traffic whore.
Today I discovered that I was someone's T.W. It hurt, but only a little when I remembered that he was my DOG WALKING WHORE. If you have a T.W. you should admit it!!!! Drive dialing is an addiction and this guy can help you through it.

SUBURBAN JESUS or MR. BELDING

2005-07-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the SAVED BY THE BELL episode when Mr. Richard Belding decided to proclaim his random thoughts every morning over the Bayside High P.A. system? He would tell the students what his wife made him for dinner the night before or what his favorite song was by JOURNEY or even about some random author who just completed a great book on ancient history for next years freshmen. Alot of the students made fun of Mr. Belding... even Screech, but Zack stood up for him believing that there must be some merit to these daily audio pre-blogs.

ZACK WAS WRONG. So wrong that NBC exec's cancelled the show and Zack had to watch as his Bayside High empire crumbled and his girl moved to Beverly Hills.

Listen to SLY, Richard... stop quickhitting before the executives cancel BLOGGING for lazy posting.

We miss you OVERDOSE

2005-07-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

ELDOSE... come back!!! We all accept you regardless of your taste for movies.

HAPPY TOM AND HANK 1.2

2005-07-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

HAPPY TOM MAKING A VERY WISE DECISION

HANK DECIPHERING HOW HE WILL ATTACK MY FACE ON THIS PARTICULAR NIGHT

HANK and HAPPY TOM

2005-07-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

So my wife brought home two kittens and I have a theory that they may want to kill each other. Individually they are good cats...one is a little shy and the other is opposite of shy (he likes to sit on my face), but when they are together my living room becomes BATTLE ROYALE!!! Hank is pretty keen and I think he is rewiring my PS2 to become some kind of 1970's CIA shock device. I would post pictures but "I'M TOO DARK FOR THAT" right 'NOTABIMBO'?

Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

2005-06-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

WATCH THE CARNAGE UNFOLD

Quickhit Call Out

2005-06-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

My quick hit today is how I am against blogging quickhits. I think it is cheap and blasphemous to us in the blogging industry. People who only have time to write a few sentences about music they are listening to and what burrito they are eating should just EMAIL. Yeah I said it!!!!

Bands with Shticks ROCK

2005-06-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

I love bands with shticks. Bands that have the balls to go on stage dressed as sailors, dentists, or aquatic avengers and still rock out always get my vote...whatever that even means . Here are a few bands websites worth checking out.
THE AQUABATS Don't be fooled SKA is, will be, and always has been bad but these guy really commit to their shtick. They even have enemies that attack the show during their sets...check it out.
HOLY MOLAR dress up like evil dentists. You all will probably hate their music unless you like THE LOCUST.
VAN STONE This band opened for my all time favorite band a few months ago at the HOB. They actually are a complete SHTICK...everything about their show is an act and it is hillarious. They have a manager dressed in a bad suit talking on three cell phones on one side of the stage and a stage hand breaking bricks on the other. At one point they declared their undying love for underground music and two songs later their manager got them sponsored by SUBWAY and the lead singer listed off the ingredients to the new meatball sub as a SUBWAY banner fell from the ceiling. GENIUS.
TURBONEGRO this band is no joke. They know how to rock, but they dress up like sailors, bad prom dates, and EUROBOYS. Their shtick is that they are the opposite of homophobic. I highly recomend any of their albums...but then again I am in their fan club. TJ HOLLYWOOD... DARKNESS FOREVER.

Forklift of Deceit

2005-06-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

I had to move this weekend and visited my local UHAUL to rent a cargo van. If you have ever been to a UHAUL it is one of the top five most uncomfortable and crowded places on earth just under a refugee camp and before any theatre playing HERBIE FULLY LOADED. While standing in line I saw a display that featured the FOREARM FORKLIFT. It is suppose to allow two people to pretty much carry anything using leverage and their forearms. Honestly look at those pictures...the guys carrying the big screen, the two women man-handling the wardrobe, and finally two mid-sized men moving a piano with a smile on their faces. Either these are great actors with hemoraging hernias or this thing really works. I would not pay the $35 US dollars to check it out so if anyone out there has seen this in action please let me know.

Boyle and Jeunet

2005-06-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

These two are well on there way to be my favorite directors of 2005. Although there movies both came out last year, they did not get an American release until relatively recently. There names are DANNY BOYLE (on the left) and JEAN-PIERRE JEUNET.
There movies MILLIONS and A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

were easily the most imaginative and poignant films of the year so far. A friend asked me to make a list of films that people should see, since I watch a movie a day, and I haven't gotten around to it yet, but if you find yourself on this blog do yourself a favor and rent A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT (which is also titled 'Un long dimanche de fiançailles') and Jeunet's huge international hit AMELIE. ENGAGEMENT is set in WORLD WAR 1 like you have never seen.
MILLIONS is not out yet but keep an eye out. It is about a young boy who finds a million dollars ,which falls from the sky, and has to spend it before the UK switches over to the EURO. Instead he wants to give it to the poor. On top of that he is infatuated with SAINTS and is visited by them in his imagination. It's great when ST. PETER shows up and explains to him how Jesus really fed the 5,000.
Also rent TRAINSPOTTING and 28 DAYS LATER, both by BOYLE. I know most will pass on 28 Days because its a zombie movie but its really good and is more of a thriller than just a zombie movie. It is a zombie movie for people who don't like zombie movies.

Metrosexual Mind Control

2005-06-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

I know you have been eye-ing it.

"I will be able to multi-task," you say to yourself, "I will have an extra hand free to do even more." You think it will make your life easier, your commute smoother, your grocery shopping swifter... You think you will look high tech savy People will ask you where you got it and how it could be so small and wireless. You think its a smart purchase... you will look like a genius and people will think you are 'chic'. Well if you thought any of those things about the Motorola Blue Tooth Hands Free Headset... then you would be dead wrong.

If you purchase this device then you are saying one of two things about yourself.
1. I am a self-indulgent, pretty boy, metrosexual that is so lazy that not only do I not have time to listen to my messages while at home because I am too busy flat-ironing my hair, but I also want the cashier at my favorite smoothie hut to be confused whether or not I am ordering the "Banana Berry Blitz" with "Testosterone Boost" or yelling at my trainer about his second thoughts on giving up carbs.
OR
2. I welcome DOOMSDAY, ARMAGEDON, and the APOCALYPSE. In fact please, Government's of the world, insert a cancer causing mind probe in my ear so you can hear every word I say and have the capabilities to import any thought, belief, or ideology into my fragile brain so the ANTI-CHRIST can take over the world in the most effortless of ways.
PLEASE stop purchasing every wireless device at CIRCUIT CITY. Some of them are completely useless and are bad for your health, pscyhe, and self image. KEEP SEACREST OUT!!! and big brother for that matter.

Colorado's Revenge

2005-06-09T14:34:00.001-07:00

This is what happens to selfish DVD hoarders!!!!

Why is CARTER crying?

2005-06-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

I apologize everyone...

I am partly responsible for all the annoying wimpering coming from the far corner of MOL blog world. You see I made this short film

and I sent it to my FRIENDS in Dallas to watch and instead of sharing the DVD a one CARTER is crying for his own copy. I will not go into the costs of making a DVD... all I can say is sorry and I will spank my baby as soon as I get him out of the supermarket. Until then we should all pray for his soul.

Its A Good Day for METAL

2005-06-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

Just ask this guy

He'll tell you the new AVENGED SEVENFOLD album is out June 7...(City of Evil).

If you like really good 80's metal like old Metallica and Iron Maiden than this cd is for you. If you are scared of metal than go back to listening to the GARDEN STATE soundtrack or whatever it is that you hippies listen to these days.

MOL?

2005-05-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

After being plugged by an obviously influential blogger who I shall call "EXPEDITIONSATAN"... I noticed that many fellow blog nerds have taken the mysterious sequence of letters MOL as apart of their blog identity. After using my google widget (thank you Mr. Jobs) I searched and searched and searched for the meaning of MOL. Of course by saying searched and searched and searched I mean I looked at like the first three pages thus concluding that the MOL internet community could be holding secret tribute to either of the following five things:
1. MOL- the miniature yedi that crawls in the earth.
2. GUACA- Mexican ketchup.
3. MOL- that thing growing on a witches face and F-150LUCIFER'S ass.
4. MOL-Richardson... Hollywoods #1 distributer of lighting equipment.
5. MOL?- the short lived ABC reality show featuring a poor man's PROBST.

How I would love to think it was number 5... So what does this string of capitalized letters mean? If you stumble on this blog and have the answer please share with me the sacred secret. Until then...Keep it up COOPER. If it turns out there is not a secret society worshipping your hosting skills I will still think of you while watching COUNTDOWN and laugh at how CNN try to copy the show using you.

Kicking and Ditka

2005-05-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

In a pure stroke of genius, the producers, director, and/or writer decided to include MIKE DITKA in the new Will Ferrell movie "KICKING AND SCREAMING". I just saw the movie and haven't been so enamored with an 80's sports hero acting since Jabar did "Airplane". Ditka really holds his own with Ferrell... IT'S LIKE IT IS 1985 ALL OVER AGAIN. If I had to give Ditka's performance a three word review it would be this.... SUPER SOCCER SHUFFLE.

Widget Hunter

2005-05-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

I love WIDGETS. Almost as much as I love Powersliding (see below). For those of you not blessed with the new operating system for MAC you may not know what I am talking about so go to someone elses blog. No don't there are only like 5 of you that actually check this thing. All I can say is now all I do is look for these little programs and blog. I even found a little widget which helps me BLOG. I love you Steve Jobs.

More Movie News

2005-05-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

I can not wait until LORDS OF DOGTOWN (in theatres this Friday). Here is a picture taken of me after NAM in '74 doing a power slide McTwist. Tony H.

Revenge of the Shit

2005-05-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

After letting all the hype settle in Hollywood, I have had time to realize the STAR WARS EPISODE 3 was fucking awful. Hayden Christiansen's performance as the forthcoming DARTH VADER could be compared to Tom Hank's breakout role in the early 80's anti D and D movie MAZES AND MONSTERS.

Lucas could have saved about 8 Million by casting my micro wave as the new leader of the dark side instead of Christiansen. Also what is with all the green screen. My biggest complaint about scenes that take place on green screens is when you see the actors in the wideshots standing in the scene their feet do not seem to be standing in the environment. On top of that there are never any shadows. I guess in galaxies far, far away light does not cause shadows....what is this fucking NEVERLAND. I wish I had spent my money on NATIONAL TREASURE like a good British bloke I know and not spent one of my vacation days amongst lightsabre toting, brass bra wearing STAR WARS NERDS.

Blogging

2005-05-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

I hate blogging....