Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Do You Want A Trophy?

Trophy Cabinet2
In highschool me and my bestfriend were assholes. We had a great little sketch we often did to belittle anyone who was fishing for compliments...
"Hey J and L... Daddy just bought me a Lexus..."
Don't Care!
"Did you guys hear... I am the new class President."
Future 40 year old Virgin!
"J.... I totally just threw up my lunch and these jeans look great on my ass now."
Just go shoot yourself!

Although that was what we were thinking, we would instead break into this bit below to both confuse, annoy, and make fun of the future moral majority of Texas. Here is the scenario.

Int. Lunch Room- Day
L and J enter the lunch room and take their seat at the far end of the dining hall. C joins them for some food and laughs. K enters the room and avoids L and J eyecontact at ALL COSTS. SHE CAN NOT BE SEEN WITH THEM FOR FEAR OF LOOSING COOL RANK. A unsuspecting freshmen runs up to C ecstatic.

FRESH- HEY C.... LOOK I JUST GOT MY LEARNER'S PERMIT. ISN'T IT COOL.
C- Wow...Pretty Cool.

L reaches over and grabs the ceritificate.

L- Take a look at this J!!!
J- OHHH! I don't know if I have ever seen one of these in such prestine condition.
L- You are right the print of this certificate is really fine craftmanship... Congratulations FRESHMEN. I'm sure it was a really difficult test.

L hands back the certificate.

FRESH- WELL! It was pretty hard. You could only get like 5 wrong.
J- I'm sure it was a breeze for you.
L- By the way... we too would like to give you something for this great day of celebration and although it may not be of the quality of a certificate provided to you by the TEXAS STATE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES it is nonetheless a gesture of our pride that we share that you are now liscensed to drive a car with someone of 21 years of age in the passenger seat.
J- Yes... and I too would like to take this time to commemorate Mr. and Mrs. FRESHMAN for their undeniably effecient parenting skills, for they have not only raised a being that is capable of completing 8 grades of general education but also someone who had the instincts and the drive to complete and pass the TEXAS STATE LEARNER'S PERMIT EXAM. I would call them or even take a picture of this historical event and send it with text at this very moment but that kind of cell phone technology is not available to me as it is December of '99.
FRESH- Thanks guys... I mean it really means alot because usually you don't even talk to me.
L- Not a problem. We are just so proud and would like to honor you with this gift.
FRESH- You really shouldn't have gotten me anything... I mean how did you even know.
J- Go ahead L...present him with his reward.

L pauses and looks at me.

L- I thought you brought it.
J- I distinctively remember asking you to wrap it up and bring it with you today.
L- Noooo.... I asked you to put it in your book bag with our chemistry project.
J- Oh now you are going to bring up the chemistry project again... I told you the last time I saw that petry dish was in your garage which is where we normally keep our gifts.
FRESH- Guys, guys. There is no need to fight what was it.
L- A TROPHY!!!
J- For being like the 189,317 person to be awarded a Texas State Learner's Permit!
L-CONGRATULATIONS!
J- We'll be sure to get it out to you!
L- FED EX 2ND DAY AIR!
J- Make sure to wait for it... Fed Ex delievers on Saturdays!
L- Yeah you probably will want to wait in that area of the house right by the front door where there usually aren't any chairs or TV's.
J- Yeah just stand and wait for it... It's a great TROPHY. I mean I know you would rather be driving a car with someone of at least 21 years of age in the passenger seat but I think its worth the wait.
FRESH- UHH.. I think someone is calling me.
L- Remember Saturday!

L, J, and C all share a laugh. K runs to the table.

K- You are all a buch of assholes...especially you L. Stay away from my brother.

Good times!

5 Comments:

Blogger suburbanjesus said...

sniff... sniff. those were the days. and when the trophy thing got old, we moved up to commemorative plates, and collector's coins.

6:58 AM  
Blogger MOL Junior said...

5 yeras later and not much has changed.

7:54 AM  
Blogger wewilleatyou said...

oh yes the commmemorative plates. that was a really good bit.... remember how we almost actually bought someone a trophy!

11:20 AM  
Blogger kerri said...

the part about me is entirely untrue. ... try not to make eye contact... whatev.

3:51 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

this is hillarious. i'm going to have to pull out some of the stuff we did in school and post about it at some point. let's see what did we do? - more pratfalls than chevy chase, electrocuting my choir teacher, running for student council president against the hottest most popular girl in school (and winning).

fun.

9:29 AM  

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