Monday, August 15, 2005

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME?

I recently fell asleep while watching the TRINITY BROADCAST NETWORK and found myself in a dream about to interview the
Pteam
The following is a transcript of my interview with several members of the squad that breaks shit for Jesus.

Knock on the door. I go to answer and find 6 exceptionally large men standing in the hotel hallway.

Me: Hey guys come on in.
Power Team: (Grunts and Rumbles)
Me: Sorry about the mess. I would have booked the interview elsewhere if I had known THE ROOSEVELT was under such a massive remodeling phase.
PT: Don't worry sissy boy we will make ourselves right at home.

One member of the POWER TEAM breaks through the adjoining wall and
Brick

Me: Impressive, but I am pretty sure they were using those materials for construction.

Tommy walks up and shakes my hand. He is the obvious leader.

Tommy: Jesus saves brother.
Me: Okay... let's jump right in. Why do you guys bend iron over your heads and jump from platforms to crush columns of bricks. It makes no sense and is extremely annoying.
Tommy: Hold on I need a TEST-A-MINT. My breath stinks.

A member of the squad pulls out a syringe, fills it with a clear substance, and pumps it into Tommy's hindside. Tommy breathes on me.

Tommy: There is that better.
Me: Uhhh... actually no. You did not eat a mint but instead injected steriods into your butt. Steriods do not help your breath smell better they help you grow repulsively massive so you can crush things with your head.

Suddenly a loud crash...I turn around to see:
ice

Me: Where did all that ice come from?
Tommy: Jesus.
Power Team: Amen brother?
Me: What? That doesn't make any sense and why do you guys keep on breaking stuff. I'm here to interview you.
Tommy: No you are here to get saved!!!! Hit it Earl!
Bat
Me: I struggle finding a biblical purpose for breaking a Louisvill Slugger. Also you do know that Earl is a girl. I was confused at first too but its definitely a chick!!!
Tommy: You are really making me mad just get saved!!! Aren't you impressed that we can break stuff.
Me: No, I am not the least bit impressed and still am very confused why you do this here in my hotel room and on a nightly 58 city tour. Do your fans know you guys use performance enhancing drugs?

Another crash...
bricks2

Me: Seriously big guy they actually use those for construction. Sorry Tommy I'm going to have to call security and you guys will have to pay for all of this.
Tommy: Oh yeah....
Yellow pages

Tommy: How will you find the number for security now? The yellow pages are ripped but the Bible never rips...you see? Don't you want to get saved?
Me: Uhh...I'll just press 0 to connect with security and don't act like you didn't bring that phone book with you.

I get connected with security and here some moving behind me but pay little attention to the POWER TEAM until:

Tommy: Hey sissy boy watch this...
useless

Me: That is completely unnecessary on so many levels!!!

The cops showed up and arrested every last member of the POWER TEAM. Apparently they are wanted in Arkansas for destroying a small town gymnasium. The police escorted them out of the building but somewhere between the lobby and the squad car
handcuffs

I then woke up and turned off TBN...next time I hope I fall asleep to the "Making of the OMEGA CODE".

6 Comments:

Blogger suburbanjesus said...

that is the greatest thing i have ever read.

7:30 AM  
Blogger Zuriel said...

lol. This is genius!!!

7:57 AM  
Blogger suburbanjesus said...

jonathanstrong.blogspot.com - fellow film-maker now living in LA... used to go to journey.

8:46 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

Ha ha ha...one time, I saw the Power Team. They told everyone to back up when they were breaking baseball bats because one time a shard of wood lodged itself into a kids heart and killed him at one of their shows...but theyre pretty sure he got saved since he was there...keep it up my friend.

12:05 PM  
Blogger MAA said...

most amazing thing to ever be written into a blog. ever...

mAA

2:03 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

This was greatness (though how soon you all forget the Reunion Arena conspiracy theory...still my fav.)

2:41 PM  

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