Thursday, August 11, 2005

Reunion Arena should be rolling in its grave...

reunion_center
It's been seven years in the making but finally I have gathered enough information to prove my conspiracy theory against REUNION ARENA.
TOP SECRET
For sometime now, me and a reputable cynic have had an ongoing disagreement about the configuration of the former home to the Dallas Stars and Mavericks...Reunion Arena. The disagreement was whether, during hockey season, the ice was kept below the basketball court or was placed above the court. Now any logical minded person would believe that the ice was kept below the hardwood, covered by some form of insulation. I too held this belief until one fateful night while visiting a Stars game only 3 days after visiting a Maverick's game. It was then when I realized that the arena was uncapable of holding the ice under the court. Mathmatically it just would not work.
Consider exhibit A:
DIAGRAMS
Diagrams A and B show the configuration of Reunion Arena during a hockey game and Diagram C represents a basketball game. The diagram shows how the massive ice rink leads all the way up to non-moving chairs of Reunion Arena while is C the diagram shows the smaller Basketball court farther down in the arena and chairs/bleachers added to the outskirts of the court.
Now consider exhibit 2:
DIAGRAM 2
A star has been placed to mark where the bolted down chairs end and the rink/bleachers begin. If you notice in the two pictures many more chairs and bleachers are added at a incline in the basketball court. In fact the capacity of a Maverick's game is over 1,000 more than at a Star's game. You will also notice the non-moving scoreboard is closer to the ice then it is to the basketball court. Both these points prove that the court is at a lower point in the arena than the ice rink. The ice can not be held beneath the basketball surface if, geographically, the court is lower than the ice rink.
Recently I emailed the general manager of Reunion Arena about my dispute and received this email that supported the BELOW THE COURT theory.
Email 1
If you will notice below the super imposed star just next to his signature there is some sort of super small message. With the power of photoshop I magnified it many times and this is what it said.
email2
Obviously the good people of Dallas do not want my theory to be published. Why you might ask? Because it is a conspiracy theory!!! That and they waisted tons of tax payers money on water and workforce by having to add the ice after every Maverick's game and remove it after every Star's game. I know for many of you this may be too much for you to believe so that is why I interviewd Charlton Heston. Below is a transcription of the interview.

Me: Hello Mr. Heston it is good of you to hold this interview with me.
Heston: (NO Respone... just a glaring look)
Me: Okay... well I know you were a huge supporter of Reunion Arena and I wanted to ask you a few questions about where the facility stored its hockey rink during non hockey play.
Heston: I just went poopy!
Me: Uh...sir I understand you are a extremely busy person but I want you to look at this picture. It is a picture of a 3 year abandoned arena now empty because of the carelessness of Dallas city planners, the NRA, and Dick Clark restraunts. All of you are responsible for waisted tax money.
Heston: (walks out of his guest house as I hold up a picture of empty Reunion Arena)

I also interviewed Minnesota born, Emanuel Strippenger who moved from St. Paul to drive a zamboni for the Dallas Stars. He is the first eye witness to publically support the ABOVE THE COURT theory. City officials and the owners of Reunion Arena locked him up with the ice making supplies and forced him falsify the belief that the ice was kept under the court year around. The only time he was allowed out was during the STARS game where he would drive the zamboni in what he refers to a "publically isolated prison." He was never allowed to use the restroom because he disagreed with placing the ice rink above the basketball court.He had this to say:
Strippenger
It is a tragedy that the people of Dallas were decieved to believe Reunion Arena could house both basketball and hockey. Unfortunately millions of taxpayer's dollars were lost and now Emanuel will be forced to where diapers the rest of his life. I not only blame those who hid the truth from the people (Heston and Clark) but also those who are too ignorant to see the truth. I am just happy that Mr. Strippenger has found his freedom again back in Minnesota and hopefully he will never work for a franchise that harbors deciet.
Zamboni

6 Comments:

Blogger Teresa said...

OH MY WORD!

That was amazing....I NEVER read long posts...never! But you had me riveted! *stands and applauds*

4:22 PM  
Blogger MAA said...

Bravo..Bravo..I can finally now see the light...I am both amazed by your genius and appauled at the amount of free time you must have..

My hats off..Creative Post of the YEAR!

MAA

4:48 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Look man, I work in downtown Dallas, and five minutes after I read your post, there were some people up here asking for me. I hid in a filing cabinet and they left, but i think you started something...and you better be prepared to finish it!

7:45 AM  
Blogger wewilleatyou said...

stay strong jmh.... i didn't interview Charlton Heston in the midst of a poopy diaper for nothing!!!

11:27 AM  
Blogger MOL Junior said...

hilarious! my office used to be in reunion and i know will...i could put an end to your conspiracy theories but i won't for fear of retribution.

9:03 PM  
Blogger wewilleatyou said...

MAA warned me of you!!! Ofcourse you were paid by THE MAN thus anything you say would just be considered a 'cover up'!

12:58 AM  

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