Monday, August 29, 2005

MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS...

Two thumbs way down and one middle finger up for the painful car crash that was this years VMA'S. After its tragically boring VMA last year, MTV decided to stay in Miami and actually hire a host this time. Too bad for them neither strategies worked out. Below is a quick recap of the nights festivities so you don't have to sit through one of the many reruns of the show.

2005 VMA WHITE CARPET

sq-snoop-gwen-merritt
Celebrities drove right up the WHITE CARPET to show off their "DUNKS" and be interveiwed by SWAY.

SWAY- Kanye..is it great to be herre in MIAMI or what.
K- Truth Playa!
SWAY- Tell me a little bit about your outfit.
K- Well you know... Since we are in MIAMI and all I was going for the whole DON JOHSON jump off.

2 minutes later

SWAY- WHAT are you wearing tonight SON!
Usher- Well you know... I had to do this thing so I got me a little Miami Vice GET UP!
SWAY- RIGHT RIGHT!

5 minutes later

Sway- Its good to see the two of you together walking the red carpet.
Ashley- Thanks... its good to be out here with my sister.
Jessica- DARUMHNY TEW DAH VLEW TEE.
Sway- I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that!
Ashley- Oh she said she is happy to be here tonight.
Jessica- POOPI SSHNIPPEY....TUNA FISH!
SWAY- (speechless)
Ashley- She said to buy her new TUNA FISH flavored shampoo that you can eat. That and she just saved a ton of money on her car insurance by switching to GEICO.
SWAY- Uhh. Let's go back over to Suchin!
(interview ends and Sway watches as MR. SIMPSON jumps out from the bush he was hiding in and retrieves his hand from the backs of his two daughters...places them in a suitcase and walks off)

3 minutes before show!!!

Sway- I'm standing with the man of the year (gun shots off screen) Mr. G-Unit himself, 50 cent!
50- Yeah Yeah!
Sway- Now you have to tell me what you are wearing tonight!
50- Don Johnson!!
Sway- Wow... this is a VMA first YALLLLL. 50 hired the 80's TV sensation Don Johnson to design a Miami Vice throwback for him.
50- No..bump that. I'm actually wearing DON JOHNSON. I shot him 5 times and made him into a suit.
SWAY- BANANAS!!!

SHOW BEGINS...

Diddy stands center stage as he talksings about partying and water shoots in the air. He then stands their awkwardly for about 5 minutes. MTV hands out some awards and every once in a while there is a cut-away shot of some intensely bored and confused celebrity. Diddy then makes sure everyone knows he is incredibly wealthy and for some reason MC HAMMER performs. By this time I am confused so I switch the channel to watch ROME. The VMA'S only saving grace was that SNOOP DOG was there...the rest was crap. I think I would have rather spent my time:

1. SQUEEZING LEMONS INTO MY EYES.
2. LOWERING MY HEAD OUT OF A MOVING CAR TO GRIND MY TEETH ON THE PAVEMENT.
3. WATCHING THE GILMORE GIRLS AND PUNCHING MYSELF EVERYTIME I HEAR AN ADJECTIVE.

REST IN PEACE Donny boy we will all miss you.

5 Comments:

Blogger linz said...

haha, wow #2 made my teeth hurt there for a second.

2:51 PM  
Blogger MAA said...

yeah...luckily i missed the VMA's this year..unfortuanetly it will be reapeated 1 million times before next years.

4:40 PM  
Blogger j-lay said...

the gilmore girls are painful to watch when not on mute.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Bradford said...

You missed the comedic highlight of the show. R. Kelly lip synching the final chapter of his closet song. It was like watching a bad oral interpretive presentation. Easily the funniest thing on TV that night.

2:26 PM  
Blogger wewilleatyou said...

oh yes.... i switched back during a commercial and saw the R. KELLY finale. it was hillarious and extremely confusing!!!

5:10 PM  

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