Sunday, June 12, 2005

Metrosexual Mind Control

I know you have been eye-ing it.
"I will be able to multi-task," you say to yourself, "I will have an extra hand free to do even more." You think it will make your life easier, your commute smoother, your grocery shopping swifter... You think you will look high tech savy People will ask you where you got it and how it could be so small and wireless. You think its a smart purchase... you will look like a genius and people will think you are 'chic'. Well if you thought any of those things about the Motorola Blue Tooth Hands Free Headset... then you would be dead wrong.
If you purchase this device then you are saying one of two things about yourself.
1. I am a self-indulgent, pretty boy, metrosexual that is so lazy that not only do I not have time to listen to my messages while at home because I am too busy flat-ironing my hair, but I also want the cashier at my favorite smoothie hut to be confused whether or not I am ordering the "Banana Berry Blitz" with "Testosterone Boost" or yelling at my trainer about his second thoughts on giving up carbs.
2. I welcome DOOMSDAY, ARMAGEDON, and the APOCALYPSE. In fact please, Government's of the world, insert a cancer causing mind probe in my ear so you can hear every word I say and have the capabilities to import any thought, belief, or ideology into my fragile brain so the ANTI-CHRIST can take over the world in the most effortless of ways.
PLEASE stop purchasing every wireless device at CIRCUIT CITY. Some of them are completely useless and are bad for your health, pscyhe, and self image. KEEP SEACREST OUT!!! and big brother for that matter.


Blogger kerri said...

i agree completelely. my mom has one like that and ends up having to hold up the microphone to her face, which defeats the whole purpose if you ask me... and makes it look that more foolish.

7:35 AM  
Blogger suburbanjesus said...

death to yuppies. genius post.

11:29 AM  

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